Adieu

As the seniors leave today, it means we are one step closer to summer. For Benji, summer was a time to redefine who you are. He took these three months to prove he's not the little nerdling who plays Dungeons and Dragons for fun.

From the beginning, we see Benji in the car with Reggie, where we learned that they "recently ceased to be twins." Benji and Reggie were growing apart, Reggie with his pristine Filas, and Benji with his beat up converse. Benji with his job at Jonni Waffle, and Reggie at Burger King. Overall we don't hear all that much from Reggie.

Benji and Reggie seemed to get a lot closer at the bonfire, but they are different people. At the end of the novel we see Benji's plan for the school year, and it seems quite different from how Reggie has been acting. Benji has distinct plans to get to get combat boots, because they technically aren't  prohibited, new pants, a new jacket and a plaid New Wave "number." He wanted to impress the ladies, go to parties where his reputation wasn't known, and lay off the Cokes.

"People called me Benji but that didn't mean I wasn't Ben." I think this statement is huge. Although people might not outwardly notice a change, he knew he was Ben and that's all that matters. He started the change to become who he wants to be.

"A lot happened over the summer. It didn't work out the way I had envisioned it but you had to admit some stuff happened." Benji started his his change, and he seems to be content with what happened over this summer. And I have to say, I really enjoyed being able to watch and reminisce with Ben.

As I am writing this, I'm thinking of the seniors we will be missing on Monday, how the juniors are going to have to step up and take on the role of the oldest in the school, I want to thank everyone for being a part of my school year, look how far we've come.

So, welcome to summer. Who will you be next fall?

The End

"That's because it's not the end."

Well, for us, it is. In my opinion, Dave Mitchell wrapped up the story nicely. We get the story of the divorce told by the gossiping women in the candy store, Jason goes around and says some goodbyes, and we see the relationship between Julia and Jason grow. I wish we had been able to see Jason and Dean's goodbye, as that may have helped see how their relationship is going, but David Mitchell may have purposely left that part out to allow readers to decide how their story ends.

This book tells the story of how Jason Taylor grows into himself, and deals with bullies along the way. We were promised a story about:

a world of the cruel, luscious Dawn Madden and her power-hungry boyfriend; of a certain Madame Eve van Outrye de Crommelnck, an elderly bohemian emigre; of first cigarettes, first kisses, and first deaths; of Gypsies camping in the woods and hysteria they inspire; and, even close to home, of a slow motion divorce in four seasons.

Boy, did we get get that. We got to see Jason at his best, and often, at his worst. Readers get the full and unfiltered emotions of Jason. Being able to understand what he feels, we sympathize with him, and understand his actions more fully. 

Overall, I really enjoyed this book, and would highly recommend this book to anyone. The development of Jason was nice to see, and I really liked the first person point of view that allowed us to get up close and personal with Jason. Although this book could be seen as coming full circle by starting and ending with "January Man," Jason has changed so much, and learned so much about life, and himself that make this book fabulous to read, and left me with a great sense of happiness and hope for Jason, even though the ending was a little sad.

The End of an Era

Throughout Black Swan Green we see Jason want to be like the cool kids. He wants to join the Spooks, he wants to be liked by the older kids, and he idolizes Hugo.

During the later chapters we see Jason start to care less and less about what the "cool kids" think, and more about how he feels. He tells us that the people in the Spooks haven't been harassing him, they've just been ignoring him, which he is okay with. This is another big step for Jason. Although he decided to be friends with Dean rather than being in the Spooks, he now no longer regrets giving up the chance to be with the "in" crowd.

For me the biggest, and final turning point in Jason's mindset is when his dad asks him how Christmas was, and he mentions that "Hugo's smarmy as ever" (Mitchell 283). This made me realize how different Jason had become over the year. He finally saw through Hugo's smoothness to see that he really is, in lack of better words, "smarmy."

This was a really great book and I thought it had many good lessons that we can all still learn from.

How Eloquent

When I first was reading Black Swan Green I thought the narrator was about my age. I don't know if it was the way he was spoke, the things he did, or simply that I was projecting myself onto him, but I was quite shocked to figure out that he had only just turned thirteen. Going back and reading the first chapter knowing that he is thirteen, I can see many things that should have tipped me off: bounding down the stairs, being challenged to a race to the lake (otherwise he would be a spaz), or aspiring to be like Nick Yew.

In "Hangman" we learn more about Jason's stammer, and the struggles he goes through to try to hide it. His friends and teachers don't understand the severity of his stammer (I don't know about you, but Mr. Inkberrow's sassy comment made me want to punch him), and that his stammer doesn't always come out in normal conversation. Jason also has learned how to modify sentences to avoid using N- and S- words. This may be one reason why I initially thought Jason was about 16 or 17. He has a wide vocabulary, and he knows how to use it.

It'll be interesting to see how Jason's struggles with his stammer play out, and if he accidentally lets a fancy word slip in front of his friends.

I also think this chapter opened my eyes a little, since we are getting to hear first hand how Jason feels about his stammer and the lengths he'll go to avoid using "hangman" words. This chapter made me realize that everyone is fighting their own battles, even if they aren't that apparent.

Middle School Hierarchy

So today in class we discussed the new book of Black Swan Green and it's narrator and main man Jason. In "January Man" Jason informs us of the dynamics of the middle school social hierarchy. When we discussed this in class many students said that they did not have an experience with such a situation. I don't know if this was because they were at a different middle school, or they didn't pay much attention, but let me tell you: middle school hierarchies still exist.

When I was in middle school I was between nerd and socially acceptable. I was no where near being popular, and trust me, the popular people let me know it. I'm not saying because I wasn't popular I didn't enjoy middle school, I actually had a really great group of friends, and I was fine with who I was. But alas, there were the popular girls. It could have been a scene from any stereotypical cafeteria scene.The popular people sat at the table in the corner by the window, the very unpopular people were on the other side of the room, and I sat practically in the middle. You could tell who people were based on their seating arrangement.

This is a lot like how Jason describes the dynamics of his friends. The cool kids only needed a first name, the uncool kids got bad nicknames, and the people in the middle just got their last name. Even Jason's teacher calls him "Taylor" in "Hangman." When Jason plays "British Bulldogs" on the lake he makes it "home" as the fourth runner. Grant says, "Nice work Jacey- boy!"

It'll be interesting to see where Jason's standing goes in the future, and how his relationship with Dean might change simply based on social structure.

Lucille

As we progress through Housekeeping we see Lucille's growing hostility towards Sylvie, and eventually Ruth. The first instance where I saw Lucille start to change was when she said she wanted to start eating regular dinner foods of meat and vegetables, rather than breakfast for dinner every night.

After that Lucille picks the sequins off the shoes Sylvie gave her, Lucille's outburst about Sylvie's husband, and Lucille's anger when Ruth doesn't want to help make Lucille's dress. At first all of these are pointed towards Sylvie, but as time goes on she gets frustrated with Ruth. Lucille decides they need other friends than each other. This isn't a bad idea, but it comes at a time when Ruth is starting to resemble Sylvie more and more.

It is already apparent that Lucille does not approve of or enjoy Sylvie's way of life. Lucille values domesticity, order, and housekeeping. These are qualities that Sylvie does not possess. She tries to make the house nice for the girls, she buys things she enjoys, but she does not keep things in the tip top shape Lucille wants.

Lucille craves a sense of belonging. She goes so far as to try to reason with Ruth about their mother's habits and even her death. By forcing these ideas onto someone else we get to see what Lucille really wants. She wants that doting motherly figure to watch over her and Ruth. She wants a housekeeper who feeds them and gives them their vitamins. Lucille wants to be more like her grandmother and tries hard to push away the ways of Sylvie.

When Ruth starts to act more like Sylvie she starts to spend more time away from the house and with the girls at the drug store. When Ruth tries to read with her and disturbs her she will say something to "Ruthie." Although Lucille has called her "Ruthie" in the past, she now only calls her "Ruthie" and it seems to be belittling to her.

It will be interesting to see how Lucille's character changes within Ruth's coming-of-age.

Playing House

The further we dive into Housekeeping we see Sylvie acting quite suspicious. When Sylvie first comes to the house she wears a satin green dress with a brooch, something most transients wouldn't own. When Lily and Nona comment on her dress as I sign of approval, Sylvie seems quite pleased with herself. This seems to be characteristic of Sylvie: putting on a front.

Once Lily and Nona leave we get a sense of the living conditions of the girls. Sylvie provides them with the necessary things to survive, but in a strange way. When the girls need shoes Sylvie gives them decorated slippers, which are appealing on the outside to Ruth, but they don't keep the water out. Sylvie is also seen with a scarf tied around her head carrying a broom, typical things of a housekeeper, but she doesn't know what to do with them.

Sylvie also has breakfast for dinner every night-- as far as we can tell. Eventually Lucille wants to have "regular" dinner foods and Sylvie puts her in charge of groceries. Sylvie also washes half of a ceiling and the door in one room, showing that she knows that things should be cleaned, but she doesn't quite know how. Sylvie is only doing what she remembers, or thinks needs to be done, and hides in the darkness to avoid showing that she really doesn't know what she needs to do for the girls.

Buddy

When Buddy is first introduced we hear of the first time she saw a cadaver. Esther alludes to many different dates with Buddy, and later goes back to fill in the holes. She calls him a hypocrite before we get the whole story, and because she is the narrator we are supposed to just believe her. But when we get the whole story, it isn't as climactic as I thought it was going to be. I'll admit, I was a little surprised, but she said many times "I figured this out the day the baby was born." 

When Esther figures out that Buddy had slept with the same waitress for almost a whole summer, Esther is shocked. She feels as though he has tricked her into believing that he was pure, and she had been with so many guys. Esther feels betrayed and her reaction is to call him a hypocrite and try to break things off. 

Looking back I don't think Buddy was a hypocrite. I think he may have played her a little bit, but I don't think he deserved to be called a hypocrite so many times. I think her reaction to this is pretty normal, as she feels like Buddy violated her trust. After this I can see where she would start questioning their relationship, but I don't think Buddy actually lied about his virginity. When she asked him if he had ever been with anyone, he tells her the whole story. It would have been easy to lie, but he didn't. 

Although I think that Buddy may have purposely tried to make Esther feel like her sexual maturity was above his, I don't think he deserved to be repeatedly called a hypocrite.

Depression

In class we have been talking a lot about how it seems as though Esther has depression. She shows many signs, like feeling numb in situations, letting Marco  almost rape her, decide that if she dies while trying to ski down the hill, she is okay with that. But it's hard to explain depression to someone who hasn't had it. As many of you know, my brother suffers from depression, and with his permission  to share this, this is how he said depression feels:

Depression isn't a prevailing sadness, but a lack of any significant emotion, from happiness to despair, and the longing to feel often hurts worse than the pain. Depression is a disease. Depression is waking up in the morning and lying in bed for hours because you don't see any purpose in living that day. Depression is not bathing or brushing your teeth because you don't feel you're worth taking care of. Depression is being sad when something good happens to you because you don't feel like you deserve it. Depression is not caring about anything that used to make you happy. Depression has muted the colors of the world, dulled the tastes and smells. Depression has stifled my passion for anything, including my once vibrant lust for learning. Some days, I feel like I’m gonna kick the world’s ass. Many days I feel like everything’s pointless. Depression is the single most physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausting thing I've faced. Depression has made accomplishing anything significant difficult; sometimes I'll stare at a math problem for an hour with no idea how to start. Most of you who know me know that isn't common.

Esther shares many of these thoughts and characteristics. The first day Esther goes to Dr. Gordon she tells us that she hasn't washed her hair for three weeks, or slept for seven days. When she first comes home from New York she is woken up by Dada and her children. After hearing what the noise was, she pulled the covers over herself and pretends like it is night, and says "I couldn't see the point of getting up. I had nothing to look forward to." It's sentiments like these that have us worried what is going to happen next, and what decisions Esther will make. 

Esther also shares the feeling of numbness. When she goes skiing she says she feels as though she is fine dying that day, but she only got a broken leg.Esther also spends an hour looking over the same paragraph she wrote, and remarking how it would take her a whole day to write one page at the rate she was going. 

Although Esther doesn't outwardly show many symptoms of depression, they are there. Until you get to see what she is thinking, you don't really know what is going on. Luckily Esther had Teresa catch the symptoms relatively early on.

Catcher in the Rye

Catcher in the Rye has been considered an "American classic" practically since it was published. It became so popular that J.D. Salinger detached himself from society to avoid attention. When I was first assigned this book I was nervous and excited. This book is the quintessential high school english class book, so I felt like I had to like this book. Luckily, I did.

I really enjoyed the narrative voice of Holden. He has the right amount of humor and sass to depict a believable teenage protagonist. The way he spoke seems really believable, and was consistent throughout. I enjoyed how he calls his little sister "old Phoebe," and always calls people "cumby" or "phony." By doing this, it really gives a sense of who Holden is.

The narrative was also very interesting. It seemed to be a stream of consciousness that the reader is supposed to understand, but doesn't always fully get. Holden admits, at one point, that he really enjoys digressions as long as they are interesting. He says they can be more interesting than the actual point itself.

Holden also addresses the readers at times. He'll say things like "you'd have liked him" (pg.43). In class someone compared this to Ferris Bueller's Day Off where Matthew Broderick speaks directly to the camera and talks about how he wished for a car, but got a computer. Another example is in The Office where the have the show going on, but will have characters sit in a chair and talk about the experience after the fact. This makes the reader feel like Holden is talking directly towards them, creating this feeling of "we understand each other."

Overall I really enjoyed this book. I felt the narrative voice was very captivating, and much different than A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man.

My View on Joyce

Okay, I'll admit it... I waited until 9 pm the night before the blogs were due to start. Yes, I could use that I had a lot of other work, or I was sick this week, or basketball got in the way, but the real reason I didn't start was because I really didn't have anything to say.

Usually I'm one of the people who always has an opinion on books and speaks a lot in class, but for this book I felt differently. Although I did sympathize with Stephen once or twice, I didn't really connect with the characters. I thought it would be hard not to feel something for a character around my age, who goes to Catholic school, and was raised very Catholicly, but alas, I didn't.

Throughout the book I just felt like Joyce was trying too hard to make this something it's not. When Stephen's family has to move house to house because they lost their money, I didn't really feel bad for them. I guess you could say I'm heartless, but I was more caught up in Stephen's inner monologue. The whole book was a little too pretentious for my taste. I feel like Joyce was looking back and trying to make a great story out of his childhood, and while many regard this as one of the greatest works in literature, I felt like he was trying too hard.

Stephen often gets so caught up in his own mind that he starts to see things as symbols, and truly believes it. In class earlier this week we were talking about how Stephen saw the girl in the water, and seemed to see her as a symbol. I pointed out that I thought that was quite pretentious, and someone said that he wasn't pretentious because he wasn't trying to be something he's not, he actually believes what he sees. I think that is a very valid point. Stephen saw that girl and thought it had a deeper meaning. When he saw her he truly believed it meant something, so I cannot hold that against him.

I know this may not be a popular view, but I figure I would just put it out there

From Beginning to End

At the beginning of A Portrait of the Artist as a Young Man Stephen doesn't participate in conversations. For example, in the Christmas dinner scene Stephen's family and friends are yelling harsh insults, he simply listens. As readers, we hear the dialogue, but we also get Stephen's perspective. Although he seems confused, which may be why he doesn't talk, but this attitude continues throughout the novel. Stephen tends to think, but not speak. When reading this novel you can tell when Stephen ages based on his thoughts. At the beginning he darts from one idea to another, almost losing the reader in the process. When Stephen ages it is easier to connect his thoughts.

Although his thoughts are easier to connect, Stephen still chooses not to participate during the birthday party scene. Stephen would rather watch from a distance than act happy like the other children. "His silent watchful manner had grown on him and he took little part in the games." pg.71.

When we near the end of the book Stephen starts to become more active in conversations. He not only listens, but talks, and talks, and talks to anyone who will listen. Eventually the novel turns into Stephen's journal entries. We know less of what he thinks, and more of what he does. The novel seems to turn into a way of Stephen telling us what he did. It becomes action based rather than thought based.